I was born knowing this planet is special…that we are a part of something much larger than ourselves. I’ve known my entire life that humans don’t appreciate it and continue to harm it for nothing more than greed. It’s a greed that’s grown so enormous, they can only vaguely disguise it as harmless, nothing to be concerned about, filling a need, besides – it’s your right, and/or whatever lame duck excuse of “justification” they choose to use at the time based on their surroundings – chameleons, charlatans, cancers.
Despite the efforts of my elders and acquaintances, I failed to conform. Oh, I spent a great deal of time ignoring my inner voice, my intuition, and my own advice – half a lifetime or more. But then I got to spend some time alone…and some time with others who just let me be myself and I let them do the same, without judgement.
I don’t mean that I didn’t apply judgment. For those whose behavior sent up red flags, I paid extra attention and learned how to set boundaries. I was awful at it in the beginning. My knee-jerk reaction was to run. Disappear. Ignore. Ghost.
To those recipients, I can’t apologize enough. I was, quite literally it turns out, rewiring my brain.
It was the emotional equivalent of a moose on roller skates. I’ve apologized a million times over in my mind, but I also know that those in or on my path (and I, theirs) are always there for a reason. I am no less remorseful, just making an observation.
Amazing what one can learn about themselves when they’re just allowed to be. Oddly enough, not everyone is happy with what they see, but so few of those are willing to put in the effort to change those things about themselves – it’s that whole “though the path is wide, the gate is narrow” thing, my friend.
It’s so much easier to just ignore it. Cover it up with as many of the endless options out there – those things that are harmless, nothing to really be concerned about because you need them. Aim your attention at something else, anything else, whether it has absolutely no meaning or value or not.
Drown it out and numb ourselves to it. Except it’s always there when we least expect it, but if you’re really good, you know how to adjust on the fly…except you haven’t really worked on any of those things, so your knee-jerk reaction becomes one that pushes people away usually in anger.
Anger always seems an excellent choice for those who want others to back off and/or distract from that thing you see glaringly clear in the corner, but they don’t even know exists. A multitasking emotion, it also inflicts both physical and mental harm on both the giver(s) as well as the receiver(s) – gotta love science.
We live in a world that is designed to profit from your choice to ignore/not deal/deflect, but it’s also designed to destroy this planet – please reference back to that whole rambling above about greed. Or, if so inclined, read/watch The Lorax by Dr. Seuss (especially those who took up the whole Save the Seuss cross). It’d be nice for them to put at least one of his messages to good use.
Unplug. Clear the cobwebs. Surround yourself with nature. Take time to truly look at those things you’ve spent so much time covering up and ignoring – but do so without judgment. Find the positives and leave the negatives. Figure out your why and move to the next unaddressed item in the corner.
In the paraphrased words of Jesus, “Deal with your shit before your shit deals with you.”
Self-control is the only control we have. Your choice. What will you do with it?